The True Meaning Of Unconditional Love

Some people regard unconditional love as pure fantasy, a myth that has been shared and searched for throughout human history. Others believe that it is not only real, but the most real thing there is.

This article will suggest that it is absolutely possible to love unconditionally, but that many people simply misunderstand what it means to do so.

We’ll explore the themes and weigh up the points of debate to try and give a clear explanation of love in its unconditional form.

Unconditional = Selfless
The literal meaning of the word unconditional is without conditions, but how does this translate into reality? To answer this, you have to first consider what conditional love is.

Conditional love is an attachment to and feeling for someone that depends on them behaving in a certain way. At its heart is the premise that the person giving the love (the lover) does so because they get something back in return – namely a response from the person receiving the love (the beloved) that meets their expectations.
More accurately, it is the love that relies upon the beloved NOT acting in a way that the lover finds unacceptable or intolerable.

Unconditional love, on the other hand, exists in the absence of any benefit for the lover. It transcends all behavior and is in no way reliant upon any form of reciprocation.
It is completely and utterly selfless. It cannot be given in as much as it flows without effort from one’s heart rather than coming consciously from one’s mind.
There is nothing that can stand in the way of unconditional love.

Wishing The Best For The Beloved
With selflessness comes the ultimate desire to see the beloved flourish and find contentment. It doesn’t have to involve any actions on the part of the lover, but it often does. Sometimes it even involves a level of personal sacrifice.
It is the driving force that spurs you on to do whatever you can to help your beloved become the best version of themselves.

It First Requires Self-love
In order to love someone unconditionally, you must start by loving yourself the same way. You must learn to accept who you are without seeking to change. If you insist that change is necessary, you are putting conditions on the love you have for yourself. This is not to say that change will not take place, but it will be natural, unforced, and unlooked for.

Only when you stop chasing changes in yourself can you begin to love others without their needing to change. It is then that love can be deemed unconditional

Believing In The Good That One Possesses
When love is given without condition, it is a sign that you are able to see the very worst in someone and yet still believe that they are worthy of your compassion. It is the part of you that forgives the seemingly unforgivable when no one else is able to.
Unconditional love does not judge and it does not give up on those whom society may deem as immoral or evil. It is the conviction to see beyond a person’s outward flaws to focus, instead, on the inner being that some may call a soul.

It Can’t Be Said, Only Felt
The first misconception about unconditional love is that you can declare it to someone. There is a chance that you are experiencing it, but you may also be feeling something very close to it, but in some way lacking.

There is no way to predict how you may react to a person in a given set of circumstances. You may find that there are limits to your love that you were simply unaware of previously.
Because of the innate uncertainty of the future, unconditional love can exist only as a feeling and not as a mental or verbal concept (this article itself can by no means describe the very essence of it).
You will never know for sure whether what you feel is unconditional love, but this in no way disproves its existence.

Another common misunderstanding is the belief that unconditional love requires you to accept whatever your beloved does to you. It is, however, possible for the relationship to have various conditions upon it, but for the love to have none.
You can make a choice to end a relationship because it involves abuse or because your beloved has acted in a way that you cannot stomach. This does not have to mean the end of your love for them.

It is quite possible to still wish the best for them, see the good in them, and accept them as they are – the properties of unconditional love described above. It may be that you will love them from a distance rather than get caught up in a situation that could be self-destructive.

Relationships are mere partnerships between two people. A relationship is not a feeling – it is not love of any kind – it is merely the vessel in which love can be housed. Should the partnership become unsustainable, the vessel can break, but the love does not always cease to be; it can be moved outside of the relationship and exist by itself.

This is because unconditional love has no basis in the actions and behaviors of the beloved. Your lives may end up taking utterly different paths to the point where a relationship becomes impossible, but your love for them does not diminish.

You Can Experience Negative Emotions At The Same Time
Unconditional love does not mean that you feel warmth and affection towards your beloved at all times; you are human after all. You can be angry at them, frustrated with them, and hurt by them while still loving them.
Having arguments does not diminish the love that comes truly free of conditions. Just as the waves atop an ocean do not impact the depths below, the natural highs and lows of a relationship cannot penetrate deep enough to affect the underlying feeling.

Unconditional Love From A Spiritual Perspective
Many religions and spiritual practices involve the concept of non-duality and this can be another source of unconditional love. When you feel separate from others, you have a choice as to whether or not you love them, but if you look upon your neighbor as you would look upon yourself, love is almost inevitable.

If you live free from the mental barriers that exist in the majority of people and experience the universe and everything in it as being of you, why would you choose anything other than love? While rare, this type of unconditional love does exist in some people.

There Should Be No Guilt Where It Is Lacking
You may feel it towards another or you may not, but the absence of unconditional love is not something to feel guilty about.
As much as you may wish to feel this way and rationally see reasons for doing so, it cannot be willed into being. This type of love cannot be wished for, chased, or accumulated; it can only be.

It may hurt to realize that your love for another has conditions, but this is not something you can control. So do not beat yourself up when your love for someone fades, if it was meant to keep burning, it would have done.

Do you believe in unconditional love? Are you confident that you feel it for people in your life? Leave a comment below to share your thoughts.

8 Crucial Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

“IT IS NECESSARY, AND EVEN VITAL, TO SET STANDARDS FOR YOUR LIFE AND THE PEOPLE YOU ALLOW IN IT.” ― MANDY HALE

We all deserve respect and compassion in our relationships. However, some people settle for less than they deserve because they fear being alone, lack self-respect and self-love, or simply because they figure “this is as good as it gets.”

“Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt?!

TRUST ME- YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOUR SOUL SMILE.

There are obviously going to be trying times in any relationship, but if any of these 8 things are a common occurrence, it’s time to move on.

1. MAKING HURTFUL OR RUDE COMMENTS.
Mutual respect is vital in any type of relationship if it is to be a healthy one. It’s likely that there will be ups and downs, but if hurtful words or rude comments are the only response someone can offer when things get difficult, then they’re not the one for you. People who truly care about us do not wish to intentionally hurt us- neither emotionally nor physically.

2. ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR.
Speaking of emotional and physical abuse, these two things should never be tolerated. No one deserves that. No one.
If you experience fear, trepidation when speaking, or feel unsafe around the person you are in a relationship with, then you need to get away as quickly as possible. There is nothing healthy or beneficial about having to hide a part of yourself to make someone else’s demons comfortable.

3. LYING, LYING, LYING.
When someone lies to you, they aren’t being authentic. And what’s the point of being with a fake person who you can never trust? Without trust, there is no foundation for a relationship to build upon. Essentially, it’s a hopeless endeavor that will only cause you pain and stress.

4. CONTROLLING EVERYTHING.
People who feel like they must control every aspect of your life, should have no place in it. If someone implies that they need to know where you are going and with who because they don’t trust you, and if you’ve given them no reason to feel this way, then they are being overly controlling. No one can live your life for you except you, yourself.

Andrea Bonior writes in Psychology Today, “Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners— whether they or their partners realize what’s happening or not. Whether controlling behavior leads to more severe emotional or physical abuse or not, it is not a healthy situation.”

5. BREAKING PROMISES.
It’s healthy to have some independence in the relationship, but every now and then, we need to be able to rely on the things our partner tells us. If they say they can do something, and we depend on them to follow through, they should do it. End of story. If breaking promises, folding on agreements, and canceling plans is something you regularly deal with, it’s time to see those traits for that they are- red flags.

6. ALWAYS PUTTING YOU LAST.
People get busy. Schedules become packed. We run out of time to do the things we really want to get done. But that doesn’t mean that you should constantly accept second-place when it comes to your relationship. You deserve to be treated like a priority because, well, you should be one to the person who loves you. You are special and if someone doesn’t prioritize you in their life, then you don’t belong there.

7. DISMISSING YOUR DREAMS.
Our goals and dreams help keep us motivated and inspired to try new things, and grow as individuals. In our relationships, we should be able to confide in our partner and share our personal thoughts and desires. However there are some people who will try to undermine your success, are jealous of your progress, and will do anything but support you. You do not deserve someone like that. Find someone who will encourage you- not drain you.

8. REFUSING TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS.
If they can’t take responsibility for something they do or say, they will never take you or your relationship seriously. No progress can be made if someone is unwilling to correct their toxic behaviour, and refusing to accept responsibility is pretty darn toxic. It ends up leaving you with every single burden to carry, alone, indefinitely. The mental anguish and stress you will go through isn’t worth it. You deserve to be with someone who will share everything with you- especially the responsibilities.

I understand relationships can be difficult at times, and none of us are perfect. But there are acceptable flaws, and unacceptable flaws. We each deserve something better than the behaviours mentioned above, and if you are in a relationship with someone like this, it’s time to leave.

WHAT YOU ALLOW, IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE.

By Raven Fon

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From Security Guard to president, Meet Gambia’s new president, Adama Barrow

Adama Barrow, a successful property developer who has never held public office, has defied the odds to score a shock victory in The Gambia’s elections.

His victory in the small West African nation’s presidential poll is arguably an even bigger shock than that of fellow property mogul in the US, Donald Trump.

Mr Barrow’s opponent Yahya Jammeh, had ruled the country for more than two decades, but said if God willed it, his presidency could go on for “a billion years”.

Before the 51-year-old was chosen in September as the candidate to represent seven Gambian opposition parties at the election, he had spent 10 years working in property, having started his own estate agency in 2006.

In the early 2000s, he lived in the UK for several years, where he reportedly worked as a security guard at the Argos catalogue store in north London, while studying for his real estate qualifications.

British media have even reported that while guarding the shop on Holloway Road, he made a citizen’s arrest on a shoplifter, which resulted in a six-month jail term.

It was also during that period that Mr Barrow is thought to have followed in the footsteps of millions of other African football fans, choosing to support Arsenal FC, at that time his local club.

He was born in 1965, the same year his country gained independence from British colonial rule, in a small village near the market town of Basse in the east of the country.

Throughout his campaign, he pledged support for an independent judiciary, as well as increased freedom for the media and civil society.

Six things about Adama Barrow:

Member of the Fula ethnic group, born in 1965, the year of Gambian independence
Reportedly worked as a security guard at Argos in the early 2000s while studying in UK
Returned home in 2006 to set up property business
Supports English Premier League football team Arsenal
Nominated as the candidate for coalition of seven opposition parties, promising greater respect for human rights
A devout Muslim who is reportedly married with two wives and five children
He described his opponent as a “soulless dictator” and promised to undo some of Mr Jammeh’s more controversial moves.

“We will take the country back to the Commonwealth and the International Criminal Court (ICC),” he told the Anadolu Agency.

He also criticised the lack of a two-term limit on the presidency and condemned the jailing of political opposition figures.

Speaking to the BBC three days before the election, Mr Barrow said that Gambians “had been suffering for 22 years” and were ready for change.

He scorned the achievements of his opponent, who boasted of having brought The Gambia out of the stone age with his education and health programmes.

The hospitals President Jammeh had built had “no drugs… or quality doctors”, the schools “no teachers, no chairs… no good educational materials”, he said.

They were “white elephant projects”.

Although he became treasurer of the main opposition United Democratic Party (UDP) party in 2013, Mr Barrow was not a household name in The Gambia, described as “little-known” even by one of the local media outlets supporting him.

Mr Barrow, who has two wives and five children – according to the Gambian newspaper The Point, was especially popular among young voters – who have been badly hit by the country’s struggling economy.

Many thousands of Gambians have made the perilous journey to Europe in search of jobs.

So The Gambia’s new leader has great expectations on his shoulders – as he makes history in a country which has not had a smooth transfer of power in his lifetime.

10 TRAITS OF GENUINELY SMART PEOPLE (THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH INTELLIGENCE)

Not so long ago researchers discovered that smartness does not equal intelligence. Intelligence is systematically measurable and defined as an ability to acquire new knowledge and skills and to use them. On the other hand, smartness is a collection of often
counterintuitive traits that help you reach your goals through sometimes unorthodox means.

Genuinely smart people do not have to be ‘brainiacs’.
Most often than not, they will go through school being average, never drawing attention to themselves by being stellar performers, athletes, or spelling bee champions. Their unique skill set will help them out more in the real world, which is not boxed into a set of academic rules and expectations. Highly intelligent people have the upper hand in a well-organized, structured environment, but they will still often be outperformed by smart individuals who might not be their intellectual equals.


Why is that? What do genuinely smart people have that the intelligent ones lack? For starters, intelligent people are overly confident. They know they are smart, and will often take ‘mental shortcuts’, believing that they are doing the math faster that way. The truth is, they are skipping it all together. This leads to a number of embarrassing mistakes – just think of the bat and the ball question! – that smart people side step with ease.
So, are you just ‘paper smart’ or are you genuinely intelligent? Take a look at this list of characteristics genuinely smart people possess and find out!

1. Their mind operates in a constant state of flux
They are always uncertain of their wants, desires, ambitions, and even thoughts. They are also well-aware of that. They let that uncertainty drive them forward because they believe it breeds possibility. In other words, they don’t encapsulate themselves in a certain frame of mind because they know that limits their true potential.

2. They think before they speak
Their mouth is rarely quicker than their brain. When you ask a smart person a question they will take their time to answer. They don’t rely on their wits to guide them to a good answer; they think long and hard before giving one, especially on important questions.

3. They aim to contribute
Genuinely smart people add to a conversation only if they feel that they can contribute something to it. You won’t see their Facebook walls full of opinionated status updates. They speak only when sure that they can bring something meaningful to the table. And if they don’t have something constructive or insightful to say, they’ll most likely keep their mouth shut.

4. They think for themselves
You’ll be hard-pressed to convince a smart person into doing anything they didn’t have time to think about. They refuse to let other people’s ideas mold their reality, and they don’t hold anyone to be infallible. They will rarely conform just for the sake of fitting in, and they dismiss the notion that a majority is always right.

5. They are not afraid to be wrong
Genuinely smart people don’t let their ego run away with them. They are perfectly capable of admitting mistakes and acknowledging that they are, possibly, not the smartest person in the room.

6. They offer a different take on things instead of simply correcting others
They are rarely argumentative and nit-picky. Instead of correcting other contributors, smart people will respectfully offer their opinions on the matter, and make their case using facts and logic. Their answer doesn’t have to be a right one, but it will offer a fresh perspective and deepen the discussion.

7. They are not antagonistic
Genuinely smart people know that, once you lose your cool, all hope for constructive discussion goes out the window. That is why they avoid being argumentative and picking fights with others. After all, you’ll attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. They know it, and they use it.

8. They trust their gut
We often get off the track thanks to their wild-running impulses. Smart people don’t allow themselves to get sidetracked and derailed easily. They ignore impulses and stick with their instincts, often forgoing short-term benefits for the sake of long-term goals.

9. They are problem solvers
They think long and hard about their problems and how to solve them, preferring steadfast solutions to temporary fixes. That is why other people often turn to them when in need. For that reason, they themselves consider this particular trait both a blessing and a curse.

10. They don’t care about what you think
How many times have you’ve been stopped dead in your tracks just because you considered what other people will think before doing something? If your answer is often, then you have some work to do on your ‘smarts’. Genuinely smart people rarely take into account how others will feel about the decisions they make. They pursue their interests without the fear of looking foolish or being judged by others.

Source-learningminds.com

19 years-old Besa Mumba, breaks record by becoming Zambia’s youngest commercial pilot

   

Zambia’s aviation records keep tumbling, Kalenga Kamwendo became the country’s youngest pilot last year aged 20 but that record has been shattered by 19 year-old Besa Mumba, who has just become Zambia’s youngest commercial pilot. Mumba secured her dream job as a pilot flying with the nation’s scheduled airline, Proflight Zambia.

Zambia’s aviation records keep tumbling, Kalenga Kamwendo became the country’s youngest pilot last year aged 20 but that record has been shattered by 19 year-old Besa Mumba, who has just become Zambia’s youngest commercial pilot.

Mumba secured her dream job as a pilot flying with the nation’s scheduled airline, Proflight Zambia, which is at the forefront of training and nurturing young talent.

With her appointment, Mumba who initially wanted to work as a cabin crew member has effectively shattered the country’s aviation glass ceiling and she will undoubtedly inspire young girls and women in Zambia and across the continent to reach for their dreams.

The teenager, born in December 1996 in Lusaka did her flight training in South Africa before landing her historic appointment.

According to Proflight Zambia, Mumba who was appointed as a First Officer this month has already flown more than 15 hours, on Zambian domestic routes to Kasama, Lower Zambezi, and Luangwa, flying alongside the captain of the aircraft on the airline’s Caravan aircraft.

“The sky is not the limit” Besa Mumba says. Photo: Proflight Zambia
Commenting on her historic appointment, Mumba told Proflight Zambia, “I am extremely humbled they gave me a chance to live my dream and this shows they have confidence in me to have given me the opportunity.”

“If you have a dream, work hard you can get to where you want,” she added.

Through hard work and great determination, Mumba says her appointment is just the beginning of great things to come, telling her employer, “I feel amazing! I hope the Zambian people will be inspired by my story to also reach for their dreams and goals because I think the sky is not the limit.”

The teenager harbours hopes of becoming a captain and flying the big jets and we certainly hope the dream will be a reality.

Mumba’s accomplishment is being shared and celebrated across various social media platforms

Source- thiisafrica.com

13 QUOTES THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE FROM THE PRINCE OF DUBAI

From the tallest building in the world, the worlds largest shopping mall, the worlds largest flower garden, the worlds first 7 star hotel, home to the 7th busiest airport in 2014 and is host to the World Expo 2020.

Prince Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum still remains vigilant among the crowd while maintaining a huge heart for philanthropy.


While Prince Al Maktoum has built a budding metropolis out of the desert which is loved by many, he also has some wise words on innovation, creativity and women to live by.

ENJOY!

1. Failure is not falling to the ground; it is remaining there once you have fallen and the greatest failure is when you decide not to stand up again.

2. The race for excellence has no finish line.

3. With each new day in Africa, a gazelle wakes up knowing he must outrun the fastest lion or perish. At the same time, a lion stirs and stretches, knowing he must outrun the fastest gazelle or starve. It is no different for the human race. Whether you consider yourself a gazelle or a lion, you simply have to run faster than others to survive.

4. We may not live for hundreds of years, but the products of our creativity can leave a legacy long after we are gone.

5. Our job is to provide an environment that unlocks women’s potential – one that protects their dignity and femininity, helps them create the necessary balance in their lives, and values their talents and potential. Given this environment, I am confident that women will perform nothing short of miracles.

6. Life was created simple and it is important to live it as such. Simplicity is inherent; it leads to peace of mind and tranquility.

7. Everybody starts small. We all begin life as a single cell. Every business starts as one person with an idea. How fast you go, how far you get, is in your hands. The bigger your vision, the bigger your achievement will be. Will you stumble on the way? Perhaps, but we cannot let fear keep us small. We have to be brave to be big.

8. A true leader is one who creates a favorable environment to bring out the energy and ability of his team. A great leader creates more great leaders, and does not reduce the institution to a single person.

9. Helping those less fortunate than us is a blessed opportunity to show thanks for the gifts of life that we ourselves enjoy.

10. The key to corporations’ rejuvenation, civilizations’ evolution, and human development in general is simple: innovation.

11. how do we prepare our children and future generations for such times? How do we equip our countries to compete, not only today, but in the coming decades as well? The answer lies in honing our children’s creativity, and providing them with the analytical and communication skills needed to channel it toward productive ends.

12. To sustain innovation, businesses must attract and retain the most creative and productive minds.

13. A great vision needs not only a great leader, but also a great work team with diverse leadership qualities.

21-YEAR-OLD JEWELL JONES, BECOMES YOUNGEST PERSON EVER ELECTED AS STATE REPRESENTATIVE IN INKSTER, MICHIGAN, USA

At 20, the young

African-American councilman, who is the first politician in his family, became the youngest person to ever sit on Inkster’s six-member City Council, after he was sworn into office in November.

Inkster is a majority African American suburb in Detroit with a population of more than 25,000.
Jewell, who represents the city’s 11th District, was also a full-time student at the University of Michigan-Dearborn.

“WE WON THE ELECTION – YOU AND I MADE HISTORY, YET AGAIN. I’m looking forward to serving you all,” he wrote on Twitter with a picture of his 22,574 votes against Republican Robert Pope’s 11,563.

18 Signs To Show That You Have High Emotional Intelligence

“Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.”
When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 per cent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 per cent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.
Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.
Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.

1. You have a robust emotional vocabulary
All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 per cent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.
People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

2. You’re curious about people
It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.

3. You embrace change
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.

4. You know your strengths and weaknesses
Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

5. You’re a good judge of character
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.

6. You are difficult to offend
If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

7. You know how to say no (to yourself and others)
Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification, and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major self-control challenge for many people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

8. You let go of mistakes
Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

9. You give and expect nothing in return
When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.

10. You don’t hold grudges
The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

11. You neutralize toxic people
Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

12. You don’t seek perfection
Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.

13. You appreciate what you have
Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23 per cent. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.

14. You disconnect
Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors.
Forcing yourself offline and even–gulp!–turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment.

15. You limit your caffeine intake
Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.

16. You get enough sleep
It’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough–or the right kind–of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.

17. You stop negative self-talk in its tracks
The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that–thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.

18. You won’t let anyone limit your joy
When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.



Written by Travis Bradberry of www.wakingtimes.com

20 Signs You Are Emotionally Dependent And Not In Love

We often feel that we are in love, when really we are in need of validation. Below are twenty signs that your relationship may have more to do with emotional dependence than true love. If your partnership seems to fall into the pattern outlined here, you may want to think twice about whether it is a healthy one for you.

1. You are often jealous when your partner spends time with other people.

2. Your partnership is causing you or your significant other to withdraw from relationships and hobbies that used to be important.

3. You find yourself feeling possessive of your partner. You don’t trust other women/men around him/her. You are afraid your partner will get stolen away from you.

4. You have changed your favorite sports teams, spiritual practices, or political affiliation to please your partner.

5. When your partner is not with you, you feel empty, alone, or bored.

6. You need constant reminders that your partner loves you.

7. You will cancel plans with family or friends to spend time with your partner.

8. You fish for compliments.

9. You like to have some degree of control over your partner. If they don’t do what you want them to, you feel distraught.

10. Your partner’s validation is more important than your own.

11. If you lost your partner, you fear that you would be unable to move on with your life.

12. Your partner has to meet specific expectations. If not, you do not feel loved or safe.

13. You pressure your partner to do or say things that they are not comfortable with.

14. You give in to pressure from your partner to say or do things that you are not comfortable with.

15. If your partner does not call when you expect them to, you feel anxiety. You worry that they no longer love you.

16. Your sense of self-worth relies on your partner’s affection and approval.

17. You are more focused on your partner’s feelings for you than on their identity and personality.

18. You feel that you can change your partner into the person you want to be with.

19. Who your partner is on the inside does not matter as much as who they appear to be in front of you and others.

20. You tend to idealize people, and then fall apart when they do not live up to your image of them.

Love is not the same as neediness. Two people who are truly in love are able to trust, respect, and accept one another. These things are rarely present in an
emotionally dependent partnership . True love involves knowing and loving oneself, and then giving the same to another person. This is how two human beings are able to build a happy life together. If you have fallen into a pattern of emotionally dependent relationships, you may want to take some time alone to find yourself. This sounds scary. Most important things are. However, if you can do it, you may find that learning to know and love yourself is the most powerful thingyou ever choose to do.

8 YEAR OLD BECOMES YOUNGEST PERSON ACCEPTED TO UNIVERSITY OF NORTH TEXAS

This eight year old exuded so much #BlackGirlMagic that the University of North Texas was inspired by her.

Jordin Phipps earned herself a spot at the University of North Texas with a $10,000 scholarship after she caught the attention of administrators with her motivational video.

According to ABC News , Jordin’s mother Nicole Smith, a University of North Texas alum, captured her on video reciting her class’ motivational phrase while dressed in the university’s t-shirt.

“I am smart; I am a leader. Failure is not an option for me,” proclaims Jordin in the

video. “Success is only moments away… I have the attitude of a North Texas Eagle.”
The video was posted to the University of North Texas’ Facebook page. The university surprised the young student at her elementary school last Thursday to present her with the scholarship.
Congratulations, Jordin!

credit – essence.com