The True Meaning Of Unconditional Love

Some people regard unconditional love as pure fantasy, a myth that has been shared and searched for throughout human history. Others believe that it is not only real, but the most real thing there is.

This article will suggest that it is absolutely possible to love unconditionally, but that many people simply misunderstand what it means to do so.

We’ll explore the themes and weigh up the points of debate to try and give a clear explanation of love in its unconditional form.

Unconditional = Selfless
The literal meaning of the word unconditional is without conditions, but how does this translate into reality? To answer this, you have to first consider what conditional love is.

Conditional love is an attachment to and feeling for someone that depends on them behaving in a certain way. At its heart is the premise that the person giving the love (the lover) does so because they get something back in return – namely a response from the person receiving the love (the beloved) that meets their expectations.
More accurately, it is the love that relies upon the beloved NOT acting in a way that the lover finds unacceptable or intolerable.

Unconditional love, on the other hand, exists in the absence of any benefit for the lover. It transcends all behavior and is in no way reliant upon any form of reciprocation.
It is completely and utterly selfless. It cannot be given in as much as it flows without effort from one’s heart rather than coming consciously from one’s mind.
There is nothing that can stand in the way of unconditional love.

Wishing The Best For The Beloved
With selflessness comes the ultimate desire to see the beloved flourish and find contentment. It doesn’t have to involve any actions on the part of the lover, but it often does. Sometimes it even involves a level of personal sacrifice.
It is the driving force that spurs you on to do whatever you can to help your beloved become the best version of themselves.

It First Requires Self-love
In order to love someone unconditionally, you must start by loving yourself the same way. You must learn to accept who you are without seeking to change. If you insist that change is necessary, you are putting conditions on the love you have for yourself. This is not to say that change will not take place, but it will be natural, unforced, and unlooked for.

Only when you stop chasing changes in yourself can you begin to love others without their needing to change. It is then that love can be deemed unconditional

Believing In The Good That One Possesses
When love is given without condition, it is a sign that you are able to see the very worst in someone and yet still believe that they are worthy of your compassion. It is the part of you that forgives the seemingly unforgivable when no one else is able to.
Unconditional love does not judge and it does not give up on those whom society may deem as immoral or evil. It is the conviction to see beyond a person’s outward flaws to focus, instead, on the inner being that some may call a soul.

It Can’t Be Said, Only Felt
The first misconception about unconditional love is that you can declare it to someone. There is a chance that you are experiencing it, but you may also be feeling something very close to it, but in some way lacking.

There is no way to predict how you may react to a person in a given set of circumstances. You may find that there are limits to your love that you were simply unaware of previously.
Because of the innate uncertainty of the future, unconditional love can exist only as a feeling and not as a mental or verbal concept (this article itself can by no means describe the very essence of it).
You will never know for sure whether what you feel is unconditional love, but this in no way disproves its existence.

Another common misunderstanding is the belief that unconditional love requires you to accept whatever your beloved does to you. It is, however, possible for the relationship to have various conditions upon it, but for the love to have none.
You can make a choice to end a relationship because it involves abuse or because your beloved has acted in a way that you cannot stomach. This does not have to mean the end of your love for them.

It is quite possible to still wish the best for them, see the good in them, and accept them as they are – the properties of unconditional love described above. It may be that you will love them from a distance rather than get caught up in a situation that could be self-destructive.

Relationships are mere partnerships between two people. A relationship is not a feeling – it is not love of any kind – it is merely the vessel in which love can be housed. Should the partnership become unsustainable, the vessel can break, but the love does not always cease to be; it can be moved outside of the relationship and exist by itself.

This is because unconditional love has no basis in the actions and behaviors of the beloved. Your lives may end up taking utterly different paths to the point where a relationship becomes impossible, but your love for them does not diminish.

You Can Experience Negative Emotions At The Same Time
Unconditional love does not mean that you feel warmth and affection towards your beloved at all times; you are human after all. You can be angry at them, frustrated with them, and hurt by them while still loving them.
Having arguments does not diminish the love that comes truly free of conditions. Just as the waves atop an ocean do not impact the depths below, the natural highs and lows of a relationship cannot penetrate deep enough to affect the underlying feeling.

Unconditional Love From A Spiritual Perspective
Many religions and spiritual practices involve the concept of non-duality and this can be another source of unconditional love. When you feel separate from others, you have a choice as to whether or not you love them, but if you look upon your neighbor as you would look upon yourself, love is almost inevitable.

If you live free from the mental barriers that exist in the majority of people and experience the universe and everything in it as being of you, why would you choose anything other than love? While rare, this type of unconditional love does exist in some people.

There Should Be No Guilt Where It Is Lacking
You may feel it towards another or you may not, but the absence of unconditional love is not something to feel guilty about.
As much as you may wish to feel this way and rationally see reasons for doing so, it cannot be willed into being. This type of love cannot be wished for, chased, or accumulated; it can only be.

It may hurt to realize that your love for another has conditions, but this is not something you can control. So do not beat yourself up when your love for someone fades, if it was meant to keep burning, it would have done.

Do you believe in unconditional love? Are you confident that you feel it for people in your life? Leave a comment below to share your thoughts.

8 Crucial Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

“IT IS NECESSARY, AND EVEN VITAL, TO SET STANDARDS FOR YOUR LIFE AND THE PEOPLE YOU ALLOW IN IT.” ― MANDY HALE

We all deserve respect and compassion in our relationships. However, some people settle for less than they deserve because they fear being alone, lack self-respect and self-love, or simply because they figure “this is as good as it gets.”

“Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt?!

TRUST ME- YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOUR SOUL SMILE.

There are obviously going to be trying times in any relationship, but if any of these 8 things are a common occurrence, it’s time to move on.

1. MAKING HURTFUL OR RUDE COMMENTS.
Mutual respect is vital in any type of relationship if it is to be a healthy one. It’s likely that there will be ups and downs, but if hurtful words or rude comments are the only response someone can offer when things get difficult, then they’re not the one for you. People who truly care about us do not wish to intentionally hurt us- neither emotionally nor physically.

2. ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR.
Speaking of emotional and physical abuse, these two things should never be tolerated. No one deserves that. No one.
If you experience fear, trepidation when speaking, or feel unsafe around the person you are in a relationship with, then you need to get away as quickly as possible. There is nothing healthy or beneficial about having to hide a part of yourself to make someone else’s demons comfortable.

3. LYING, LYING, LYING.
When someone lies to you, they aren’t being authentic. And what’s the point of being with a fake person who you can never trust? Without trust, there is no foundation for a relationship to build upon. Essentially, it’s a hopeless endeavor that will only cause you pain and stress.

4. CONTROLLING EVERYTHING.
People who feel like they must control every aspect of your life, should have no place in it. If someone implies that they need to know where you are going and with who because they don’t trust you, and if you’ve given them no reason to feel this way, then they are being overly controlling. No one can live your life for you except you, yourself.

Andrea Bonior writes in Psychology Today, “Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners— whether they or their partners realize what’s happening or not. Whether controlling behavior leads to more severe emotional or physical abuse or not, it is not a healthy situation.”

5. BREAKING PROMISES.
It’s healthy to have some independence in the relationship, but every now and then, we need to be able to rely on the things our partner tells us. If they say they can do something, and we depend on them to follow through, they should do it. End of story. If breaking promises, folding on agreements, and canceling plans is something you regularly deal with, it’s time to see those traits for that they are- red flags.

6. ALWAYS PUTTING YOU LAST.
People get busy. Schedules become packed. We run out of time to do the things we really want to get done. But that doesn’t mean that you should constantly accept second-place when it comes to your relationship. You deserve to be treated like a priority because, well, you should be one to the person who loves you. You are special and if someone doesn’t prioritize you in their life, then you don’t belong there.

7. DISMISSING YOUR DREAMS.
Our goals and dreams help keep us motivated and inspired to try new things, and grow as individuals. In our relationships, we should be able to confide in our partner and share our personal thoughts and desires. However there are some people who will try to undermine your success, are jealous of your progress, and will do anything but support you. You do not deserve someone like that. Find someone who will encourage you- not drain you.

8. REFUSING TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS.
If they can’t take responsibility for something they do or say, they will never take you or your relationship seriously. No progress can be made if someone is unwilling to correct their toxic behaviour, and refusing to accept responsibility is pretty darn toxic. It ends up leaving you with every single burden to carry, alone, indefinitely. The mental anguish and stress you will go through isn’t worth it. You deserve to be with someone who will share everything with you- especially the responsibilities.

I understand relationships can be difficult at times, and none of us are perfect. But there are acceptable flaws, and unacceptable flaws. We each deserve something better than the behaviours mentioned above, and if you are in a relationship with someone like this, it’s time to leave.

WHAT YOU ALLOW, IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE.

By Raven Fon

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20 Signs You Are Emotionally Dependent And Not In Love

We often feel that we are in love, when really we are in need of validation. Below are twenty signs that your relationship may have more to do with emotional dependence than true love. If your partnership seems to fall into the pattern outlined here, you may want to think twice about whether it is a healthy one for you.

1. You are often jealous when your partner spends time with other people.

2. Your partnership is causing you or your significant other to withdraw from relationships and hobbies that used to be important.

3. You find yourself feeling possessive of your partner. You don’t trust other women/men around him/her. You are afraid your partner will get stolen away from you.

4. You have changed your favorite sports teams, spiritual practices, or political affiliation to please your partner.

5. When your partner is not with you, you feel empty, alone, or bored.

6. You need constant reminders that your partner loves you.

7. You will cancel plans with family or friends to spend time with your partner.

8. You fish for compliments.

9. You like to have some degree of control over your partner. If they don’t do what you want them to, you feel distraught.

10. Your partner’s validation is more important than your own.

11. If you lost your partner, you fear that you would be unable to move on with your life.

12. Your partner has to meet specific expectations. If not, you do not feel loved or safe.

13. You pressure your partner to do or say things that they are not comfortable with.

14. You give in to pressure from your partner to say or do things that you are not comfortable with.

15. If your partner does not call when you expect them to, you feel anxiety. You worry that they no longer love you.

16. Your sense of self-worth relies on your partner’s affection and approval.

17. You are more focused on your partner’s feelings for you than on their identity and personality.

18. You feel that you can change your partner into the person you want to be with.

19. Who your partner is on the inside does not matter as much as who they appear to be in front of you and others.

20. You tend to idealize people, and then fall apart when they do not live up to your image of them.

Love is not the same as neediness. Two people who are truly in love are able to trust, respect, and accept one another. These things are rarely present in an
emotionally dependent partnership . True love involves knowing and loving oneself, and then giving the same to another person. This is how two human beings are able to build a happy life together. If you have fallen into a pattern of emotionally dependent relationships, you may want to take some time alone to find yourself. This sounds scary. Most important things are. However, if you can do it, you may find that learning to know and love yourself is the most powerful thingyou ever choose to do.

Is He A Cheater? 10 Unmistakable Signs He Is Cheating On You!

Maybe there are clues or maybe it’s just a nagging, gut instinct. You might try not to think about it because every time it crosses your mind, it makes you feel sick.

Let’s take the following scenario just to give an example of the kind of thing women go through when it comes to cheating.

You’re out with your guy and he keeps anxiously looking at his cellphone. Odd, he never texts you as much as he’s currently texting the person he is right now. He excuses himself… and takes his phone with him.

Usually he’s really quick at using the bathroom, but right now it feels like you are living each second as a year while you wait for him to get back. You look at your phone, and it’s been ten minutes before he finally gets back to the table and sits down.                                                                     

  Here Are 10 Signs Your Man Might Be Cheating On You:

1. He Is Using His Phone A Lot More (And Not For You)

If he suddenly starts texting more often, but he still takes forever to reply to you… that may be a sign that he’s cheating. It doesn’t mean he is definitely cheating on you. He could just be having an important conversation…

 2. He Suddenly Cares About His Hygiene

You’ve known him long enough to know how he typically cares for himself. If he takes a sudden interest in how he looks, his physical health, and even starts showering more, who is he trying to impress? (Was he trying to impress you or someone else?)

3. He Goes Out More

Whether he’s going out “with friends” or has something come up with family, this could be a red flag that he’s really seeing someone else.

4. He Keeps Working Late

Sudden work emergency? Big project that he didn’t tell you about in advance? If he starts working overtime and is hours on sporadic days of the week working late, he might not actually be working…                                                                                                

5. He Avoids Getting Close To You

If you notice that your guy suddenly avoids intimacy with you (or stops entirely), that’s a huge red flag. Some men who fear intimacy will cheat to feel like they still have power over their sex life, and some men cheat simply because they want someone “young and new”… Which leads to my next sign.

6. He’s Selfish

If your man is self-indulgent and puts himself before everything, never compromising with you, he could be the kind of guy to cheat, as infidelity is a selfish act on it’s own.

7. He Follows A *Lot* Of Sexy Women On Social Media

Have you noticed him “liking” a lot of sexy pictures on his Facebook? What about who he watches on Instagram? If they’re mostly hot young women, you can probably guess what’s on his mind…

8. He Didn’t Update His Dating Profile (Even If You Started Dating Him)

Maybe you met on Plenty of Fish, or eHarmony, ChristianMingle, or even Match. You updated your profile to proudly show you met a guy you love… and he didn’t update his profile. That could be a sign he’s still looking for someone else.

9. He Lashes Out At You

If your guy starts arguments with you, especially if it’s over something simple, he could be looking for an excuse to get away from you and towards someone else…

10. He Needs “His Privacy”

You thought he was comfortable with you knowing more about him and being close to him, and suddenly he starts needing more and more time by himself. What could he even be doing with all of that time alone? That might be a sign he’s cheating on you.

So What Happens Next?

If you have a gut instinct your guy is cheating on you, then that signals to me that you’re missing one crucial ingredient to a healthy, loving relationship: trust.

If you’ve noticed your guy is doing 1-3 of these things, I would chalk it up to coincidence. Now, if you noticed he was doing 7 or more… then you might be more worried.

If you can’t trust your guy to be faithful to you and you look for signs he’s cheating on you, it’s only going to sow seeds of more suspicion and mistrust in the relationship.

A healthy, fulfilling relationship cannot be built on a basis of suspicion and mistrust. It’s setting yourself up to fail.

Instead, bring a vibe of trust and acceptance into your relationship. Your man will subconsciously notice the change in your vibe and react to it positively.

If he feels safe, happy, and fulfilled, he won’t look to another woman for those same emotional needs to be filled.

If you’ve caught him in the act of cheating, I only have one question for you… Is that a relationship you want to be in?                                                                                                                          S0urce-http://www.vixendaily.com/