Do you accept yourself? Really? Do you accept everything about yourself?
DO you accept the parts that you wish were different? Do you accept the parts that you try to hide, disguise, or pretend are not there? Tell the truth, do you really accept all of you?
If you believe that others are mirrors of yourself, then you will like to consider this pattern of behavior. It is a pattern of belief, followed by behavior, then creating expectation and then resulting in a self-fulfilling prophesy. It all starts with what you believe about yourself. Do you believe that you are lovable? Do you believe that you are worthy of love and someone wonderful being devoted to you and only you? Do you believe that you are precious and deserve an unconditionally loving partner?
Whatever you believe then becomes translated into behaviors. Your behaviors give away your beliefs. Whatever behaviors become habitual start dictating your reality and your results. Start examining your beliefs and soon I will write all about beliefs.
This pattern can be changed when you become aware of it and adjust your beliefs about yourself. For example, if you believe you are unworthy of love, you will attract partners who treat you as unworthy. If you treat yourself as unimportant, chances are you will be treated as superfluous by your mate. If you are stingy with yourself, be it in terms of time, money, or attention, you will most likely attract a lover who lacks generosity toward you. If you do not take care of your physical body, your partner can hardly be expected to view your body as a precious temple. If you judge yourself harshly, then your mate will follow suit and start judging those aspects that you don't accept about yourself.
On the other hand, if you require respect, kindness, caring and integrity in your relationship with yourself, you lay the groundwork to receive the same in your relationship with others. If you forgive yourself, others will know it is not acceptable to berate you for your mistakes. If you respect your needs, your partner will as well. If you listen to and honor your inner messages, your partner will respect your inner radar. Your internal beliefs and expectations will be reflected outward and you will be treated in kind.
One of the most important things you can learn from nurturing an authentic and loving relationship with yourself is acceptance. At the root of unconditional love is the perception that whatever your partner does, says, feels, or expresses will be received in an atmosphere free from condemnation. Practicing this kind of acceptance on yourself is what will enable you to extend that level of tolerance to your beloved.
If you accept your own imperfections, then you will be more tolerant of the imperfections of others. If you accept your mistakes, then you will be more forgiving of others' mistakes. If you learn from your own lessons, then you create room for others to learn around you.
Lack of self acceptance can go a long way toward eroding love relationships with others, since the negativity you harbor about yourself will surely bleed onto your partner. Negativity is like a cancer that grows and spreads from one partner to the other, poisoning the entire relationship.
The learning is to start loving yourself first ... all of you ... especially the parts you consider unlovable. Start today and be forgiving, kind, gentle, and compassionate with yourself ... just exactly the way you would want your significant other to treat you!
Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott, MCC- Contributor
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